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Shan posting;

So i was asked by the lovely Laura to post my Invisible Illness video on this awesome new blog, so here it is!

I also just wanted to try to explain the point i was trying to get across with this video. I made it on one of those days where you are just so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired; nothing could possibly go smoothly on this day.. But for once i decided to put all the (negative) energy and thoughts i was feeling on paper, instead of having one of those ever-so-attractive, “Why me?” pouty, whiney, complainy kind of days (although those can be fun sometimes too).

I didn’t plan the video out at all, i’m not sure i even had a video in mind when doing this, but i just grabbed a post it pad and started writing out all the things i was feeling, and have felt, during the past 6 years of living with Dysautonomia. Lonely, Depressed, Isolated, Ignored, Invisible. i laughed a bit to myself as I wrote down this last one, as it seemed kind of funny to me at the time, that my illness itself was invisible, and here i was feeling that way too.

I stared at all the post-it’s with their negative thoughts and phrases and felt just a little bit pleased by this production. God knows why, as they clearly weren’t at all empowering or motivating words, but it was almost therapeutic, getting them all out there, out of my head. I also felt a strange sense of accomplishment; like i had made it through all these negatives, enough to fill up my whole table, and i was still here, still fighting. On top of all this, it was like i was making all these invisible feelings, physical and mental, visible. It made me feel better about them, seeing them all staring back at me like that.

I decided to make a video out of them, in hopes to be able to let any others with an invisible illness see that they are not alone in their frustrations and hardships, and to also empower them to want to spread awareness about dysautonomia and invisible illness in general.

“Every calamity is to be overcome by endurance.”